Do you sometimes feel that your experiences don’t add up to much? That, when you consider it, you are a quite shallow person?
You crave great stories to tell, situations to have shaped you, to have made you interesting.
No need to wait any more!
These three easy steps will make your past more exciting!
In a year, we guarantee (assuming that you are already outgoing), you will:
• be happier with yourself and your life
• have many spectacular anecdotes to tell
• be the most interesting person in your company.
1. Narrate your life in past tense (preferably out loud).
You might for example sit in your kitchen and drink peppermint tea. An appropriate thing to say then would be "I was sitting in my kitchen, drinking peppermint tea."
You may add as many details as you’d like.
You can also choose to write a journal.
2. Progressively start narrating things that are in fact not happening.
Make sure that what you come up with isn’t too farfetched, but create believable, delicate untruths to the everyday. As with the previous example, you might add that there was a fly on the wall, when you are pretty certain there is none.
Don’t think or feel too much about the historical inaccuracy of what you are saying - just say it.
3. Progressively start narrating out of your comfort zone (adding surreal elements).
Challenge your creativity! As with the previous example, you might add "and then my childhood friend Sam walked in, and I was flabbergasted. I poured him a cup of tea and we started talking about insurance". Then proceed to improvise conversation, and decide for how long Sam will stay, so that you can adapt future false memories after the situation.
In a few months you should be able to share your fabricated anecdotes without feeling weird about it. If someone questions your stories, you may even get a little offended and protective!
When you start believing your stories to have taken place, the false memories will bring you as much joy as true ones - only they’ll be more interesting!
Soon you will be able to brag about your trip to mars, mourn your partner who was abducted by aliens and earn sympathy for the “fact” that you used to be wealthy but are now painfully middle-class!
Start today and earn a few extra years of life that didn’t happen!
If you have lost all ambition and lost all your dreams,
please contact our staff and we will give you stuff to buy
I find that it is appropriate for you hear it, at last, from someone. I have taken the role of this someone.
I will cut straight to it.
Ypsilon, you see - There is a lot in this world that you are gonna have no use for. You will spend endless hours on it - or, well, not exactly endless - You will spend long hours on it. Or, well, the hours will always be the same duration, right. The hours don’t care about you. The hours won’t get longer just because you are bored. But they’re gonna feel long, because you’re gonna be thinking “I’m will have no use for this”. And you know what Ypsilon - you’re right. You won’t. But what kind of person does only useful things? Why should we want to? What will you finally do with all your useful stuff and experiences? Huh? Who’s setting the rules for what’s useful? What’s it all for, in the end? What’s the use? What’s the point?
Anyway. Did you take the trash out?
How to Appear to Be More Polite
Never frown back at fishes. You don’t know whether or not they have feelings, but you want to be on the safe side.